I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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