Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
