Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i believe in u and ur pee
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
