That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
