he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
