I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
