So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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