Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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