if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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