im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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