Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
