I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
