I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
her facebook's as public as her vagina
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
