I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize