fuck your aforementioned shoe
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
