Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
