Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
