I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
