It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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