i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
