My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
