The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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