It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
