and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
