I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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