**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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