I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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