So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
