Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
