i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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