If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
