yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize