she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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