Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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