Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
