i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Randomize
