just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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