Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
