we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
