she kept yelling 'call me bella'
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
