Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
