He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
