I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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