I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
