I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
