when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
