I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Success! We fucked roommates!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
