Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
