so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
