I can tuck mytits in my pants
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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