Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
