Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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