I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
