Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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