So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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