i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
