I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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