I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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