if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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