Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
